Album Reviews : Steel Panther – Balls Out

It is the future… Year 6969… Somewhere out in mega-space… And the most bitchin’ band in the world Steel Panther have returned, this time with their Balls Out and 14 wicked new tracks underneath them. The follow up to their 2009 album Feel the Steel (featuring perhaps the greatest metal anthem of this decade “Death to All But Metal”) is better on many levels. The lyrics are way more hilarious, the energy is outrageous, the solos are twice as bitchin’, and there is a lot more name drops. This album is a bigger winner than Charlie Sheen.

There’s pretty much 6 things that the hair metal anthems in Balls Out sum up – Sex, whores, drugs, parties, Tiger Woods and girls dumping their boyfriend to give “sexy Michael Starr” a call. The album intro “In the Future” is Dane Cook doing a futuristic voice over of Mötley Crüe’s “In the Beginning”, this time talking about being in the year 6969 and having penile impregnation pills. As soon as the intro ends with Cook yelling “PUSSY!” in his robot-like voice, it goes straight into “Supersonic Sex Machine”, which is quite possibly the fastest song Steel Panther have ever written. The solos are simply flat out, and the riffs are heavier than the woman in their “Fat Girl” music video. There is so much adrenaline in just this one song, which will definitely keep a new listener of the band interested in the rest of the album.

“Just Like Tiger Woods” is definitely a song that everyone will enjoy, whether they like metal or not. The first few seconds into the lyrics instantly makes you laugh and smile, and it reminds you that “Three holes are better than a hole in one!” Most Panther fans would have heard their 2 singles “17 Girls In A Row” and “If You Really, Really Love Me” already, which reminded me of Motley Crue and Def Leppard. If You Really, Really Love Me shows off my favourite lines on the album “If I have sex with your friend Melanie, don’t act like it’s some kind of felony. It’s not uncommon for this kind of infidelity, it happens to a lot of guys like Tiger Woods and me.”

“It Won’t Suck Itself” featured Chad Kroger of Nickelback singing a verse. Although I dislike Nickelback as everyone else does, it did not bring down this song in anyway. An ear-piercing solo from Extreme’s guitarist Nuno Bettencourt brought this song to its top level. “Tomorrow Night” showed more Crue influence as well as a bit of Scorpions, and is a song about what would be one of the wickedest parties ever. 4 lines was enough room to name-drop Brittany Spears, Christopher Walkin and Charlie Sheen, which is a winner of a verse. I think this song will be a fan-favourite, and I hope it’s played live.

“Why Can’t You Trust Me” is the first ballad off the album, which delivers a very strong message from Michael. The song explains just about everything Michael hates when it comes to trust with a girl, such as the girl checking his prison history and threatening the bitches on his Facebook page, and requests more space or he will “go Chris Brown and punch you in the neck”. “Gold Digging Whore” shows a bit of reference from an earlier Panther song (“I Want Pussy”), with MASSIVE gang vocals spelling out “G-O-L-D D-I-G-G-I-N-G W-H-O-R……E!” for us!

The last song I wanted to write about was the album closer “Weenie Ride”, the second power-ballad of the album. With Stix playing piano, the song is instrumentally influenced by the Motley Crue song “Home Sweet Home”. The only difference is that it’s more heartfelt, humorous and bitchin’. In my opinion, it was a perfect song to close the album with, and it may get Michael Starr laid more than the rest of the band members.

When I first heard this band I was in complete amazement, and thought I’d never hear anything better, but Panther have taken Balls Out to a new level with the explicit lyrics and parody of the 80’s era. It’s overly comedic, catchy and filled with adrenaline. With this album, Michael Starr definitely proves what he says, that without heavy metal, there’s no vagina dude! 11/10

Band: Steel Panther
Album: Balls Out
Year: 2011
Genre: Heavy metal/Glam
Label: Universal Records
Origin: USA
steelpantherrocks.com

Track listing:
1. In The Future
2. Supersonic Sex Machine
3. Just Like Tiger Woods
4. 17 Girls in a Row
5. If You Really, Really Love Me
6. It Won’t Suck Itself
7. Tomorrow Night
8. Why Can’t You Trust Me
9. That’s What Girls Are For
10. Gold-Digging Whore
11. I Like Drugs
12. Critter
13. Let Me Cum In
14. Weenie Ride