Steel Panther – Satchel (Russ Parrish)

Metal Obsession: You must be very excited to be getting your first taste of Australian women when you head down to Australia for Soundwave Revolution in October/November?

Satchel: I can’t wait. It’s going to be awesome!

MO: Have you been reading up on Australian culture since the tour was announced?

Satchel: Yeah, well I’ll be wearing my spandex which was actually made by a bunch of aboriginals who live in one of the rainforests down there. Ive also got a great white shark tooth necklace which they caught in the Great Barrier Reef.

They also gave me a guitar in the shape of a boomerang which I’ll be throwing out into the audience , and hopefully come back to me.

MO: …sounds like you’ve been watching a bit to much Crocodile Dundee.

Satchel: [Awkward silence]

MO: How’s the new Steel Panther album coming along?

Satchel: We have recorded 15 songs and its all done, but we just have to wait and hear back from the record company. It will hopefully be out when we hit Australia later this year.

Hopefully it will, because we are really excited to have people be able to hear in time for the tour.

We will probably have a lot of the new songs in our set when we get down there. We can’t wait!

MO: I’ve read on various forums that Joe Elliot (Def Leppard) and Scott Ian (Anthrax) will be guests on the new Steel Panther album. Any chance you could tell us who else will be on the album?

Satchel: Well there will be a couple of people on it. We have some already on it and some are not, yet! We’re still waiting on those people.

Basically, when people say they’ll be on our record.We had to track them down and find out where they live and then foreseeability make them come to the studio to sing or play on the new record.

That was very difficult to do.

MO: I’m guessing with song titles like ‘Tongue Punch in the Fart Box’, you really wanted to capture the same lyrical essence as ‘Feel the Steel’?

Satchel: Yeah, yeah! Well I feel a lot of our songs are just songs that only certain people want to hear, if you’re honest about it. About what you’re writing about. So a lot of these songs are from personal experience, you know?

Like , we party a lot and have a lot of sex. Our record label was like “Hey! Maybe you shouldn’t write about sex for every song”, and we’re like “Dude! What else are we going to write about?”.

All we do is have sex and party, get drunk and get high, you know? That’s all we know, so its not like we are going to write a song about politics or something. I want to write about rad groupies and snorting oxycontin pills.

MO: Was it hard for you guys to be taken seriously when you first started?

Satchel: There is always going to be a lot of people who don’t take us seriously, and a lot of those people are just stupid. We knew that!

Iff someone is pissing us off and saying “You guys suck!” or just being a dick to us during our show. Will make sure to have sex with their girlfriends to get back at them.

MO: Would you say that your lyrics are tongue and cheek?

Satchel: Nothing we have ever done is tongue and cheek. We are super serious about it. Most people think we’re joking because they’re like “There is no way you’d really have sex with a fat girl”, right?

No one is really attracted to a fat girl, right?…and how can you actually get a boner?

Truth is, you can serious have sex with a fat girl. I mean I’m sure you’ve ridden a few rhinos in your time?

MO: [hysterical laugh] Admittedly, yes! They were all great.

Satchel: I highly recommend getting a blowjob from a fat girl. They are so much better at giving blow jobs than skinny girls and I don’t know why.

I guess its because skinny girls think they don’t have to work that hard in bed, but fat girls…they will do anything! I think its because they have low self esteem, so its a good thing!

Everyone who’s listening (or reading) to this interview. Go have sex with a fat girl, right now!

MO: [laughs] Have you decided on a title yet for the new album?

Satchel: No, not yet. We are still trying to decide and will have to wait and hear from our record label first before we go along with it.

They’re being really, really tight with stuff like that at the moment and we may have a major fallout with our record label if they don’t start being nicer to us, because its our way or the highway. You know what I mean?

We can take this and blow it up large without any label,  and we can sell dozens of records on our own…even hundreds! A lot of people don’t realise we went triple platinum in Guam, like just last year. We sold over 300 copies of our ‘Feel the Steel’ record which is pretty rad.

MO: I’m guessing the first thing you did when you heard you’d be touring with Van Halen in Australia was lactate in your pants?

Satchel: Absolutely man! Actually, I pooped myself.

The spandex I was wearing when I heard we’d be touring with Van Halen, I pooped in it and didn’t even wash the stain because I wanted to remember that moment.

The fortunate thing is it was a retro print spandex. So there is  little brown spots all over the spandex which blended the poo stains right in.

MO: It’s not every day that Australia gets a band like Steel Panther…

Satchel: I guess the reason why we are doing it is because its a whole new era of music, you know? People are ready to rock again. There is a whole generation of kids out there that need to learn how too rock hard, party and to have sex with girls.

They need a band like us to show them the way, and how to actually do that. I get letters from…well, not actual letters because people don’t write letters anymore, but I’m told that there is e-mails and stuff from little kids, like 15 or 16 years old saying “Dude! I want to be like you when I grow up”. That makes me feel like I’m doing a lot of good in the world.

MO: Van Halen have become pretty famous for their “contract riders”. One which I remember vividly is a bowl of M&M’s with all the brown ones removed before each show. Does Steel Panther have any high demands , beside women and drugs?

Satchel: Well, you know what? We always have to have at least 4 prostitutes available backstage when we are there, because you never know if its going to be slamming right after a show. Really, we don’t need the prostitutes, but its good to have them for back up.

Actually, for the Soundwave Revolution shows, we know that Van Halen don’t want brown M&M’s in their bowls.

We have put on our rider that we want ONLY brown M&M’s just so we can balance off the brown M&M’s, because all those M&M’s that Van Halen don’t want will have to go somewhere. So will have them in our backstage area.

MO: On a more serious note. What’s your take on the metal scene at the moment?

Satchel: It’s definitely coming back. As I said before there is a whole generation of kids who haven’t been able to experience heavy metal or never been able too back in the 80’s.

I think we have really been heading the charge and carrying the torch. There is so many bands at the moment that are still touring. I mean AC/DC never stopped. Obviously they’re awesome…and they’re Australian dude. AWESOME! [laughs]

As a matter of fact our bass player, Lexxi went and saw Cinderella just last week. Motely Crue and Poison just played out here like 2 weeks ago.

Everybody is out on tour. I’m pretty sure we are all having sex with the same groupies which is pretty cool. I don’t wear a condom, so I’m pretty sure I’ve given something to Bret Micheals which is pretty cool.

MO: Any idea if you’ll do some sideshows for Soundwave Revolution?

Satchel: I’m pretty sure we do. I know we have some dates lined up, but I’m not quite sure where they really are. I’m pretty sure we have two extra shows that will be doing.

MO: Any famous last words, Satchel?

Satchel: Ladies, don’t forget to shave your vaginas. Thanks for the interview man. I can’t wait to get down to Australia and rock your balls!

 Interview by: Anwar Rizk (anwar@metalobsession.net)

Steel Panther will be playing the main stage along side Van Halen, Alice Cooper, Machine Head, Devin Townsend Project and many more at Soundwave Revolution this Sept/Oct across Australia. Tickets are currently available online. Click here to purchase your tickets.

Soundwave Revolution 2011

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Brisbane – Saturday 24th September
Sydney – Sunday 25th September
Melbourne – Friday 30th September
Adelaide – Saturday 1st October
Perth – Monday 3rd October

For more information, go to: www.soundwaverevolution.com or www.steelpantherrocks.com